hey hey,

back home after 10 long months on the road. i'm still reeling from it. i have fallen in love with this country, and with this bizarre, fucked-up, wonderful life, and i'm so dizzy with it all it's hard to know which way is up.

but at the same time, it feels sort of wrong to be back in santa fe, which is something i didn't anticipate. i find myself homesick for my van; for the cabins and hostels and attics of churches where i forged new homes this year.

and then there's you, of course. you are everywhere and nowhere in this city, your presence and absence constantly competing for my attention. it's confusing. you feel so much closer here, and yet i miss you so much more.

anyway, i'm rambling. i'll come visit soon; i have lots of little presents for you from all my travels... i think you'll be pleased.

love you tremendously,
X.

jenine i miss you so much. its days like today where i wish you were here. sometimes i just let myself get down and its hard to get back up again. i miss you. i love you.

--
As I try to fill all of my empty days
I stumble round on through my memory's maze

oh jeniney!!!! I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!! i still forget you are gone sometimes haha. life is fun right now, i wish you were here to join in! love ya

--
As I try to fill all of my empty days
I stumble round on through my memory's maze

te extraño más que nunca y no sé que hacer
despierto y te recuerdo al amanecer
me espera otro día por vivir sin ti
el espejo no miente; me veo tan diferente
me haces falta tú

la gente pasa y pasa, siempre tan igual
el ritmo de la vida me parece mal
era tan diferente cuando estabas tú
si que era diferente cuando estabas tú

no hay nada más difícil que vivir sin ti
sufriendo en la espera de verte llegar
el frio de mi cuerpo pregunta por ti
y no sé donde estás

si no te hubieras ido sería tan feliz

miss you
xoxo

hey jenine, i miss you.

--
As I try to fill all of my empty days
I stumble round on through my memory's maze

hey J,

thinking about you a lot today. moving again, this time to jersey. ha. long car ride, but it's been really nice. lots of time to think. there are so many songs, jenine, so many memories... i still just can't make sense of it all. just one of those days i guess.

love & miss you forever & ever.

hey homegirl,

went parasailing this weekend. i was miles off the shore of looe key, two stories above the atlantic ocean, just suspended in the air. miles & miles of unbroken blue in every direction. i've never seen anything so beautiful. and when i got reeled back to the boat, your song was blaring on the radio. i almost started crying, but decided to laugh instead. life is strange, man.

i love & miss you.

xoxo

ahhh jenine... i am so sorry i missed your birthday. ah i feel like a terrible person. i miss you so mucho... i am soooorrrryyy.. i cant believe that happened. ah. i am terrible. i am soorrry. but yeah i hope everything is going well up there. i miss you so much. i think of you all the time.. things have changed so much. i wish you could be here to experience it all. life can get pretty lonely. its probably my own fault too. but i am doing alright. i am still with justin and everything and we are happy. i am just excited to get back to school and get away from santa fe... sometimes i wonder if i am just running away from the pain and weirdness that lingers in this town. haha but i love you! i am so sorry again. but HAPPPPPY BIRTHDAY!

--
As I try to fill all of my empty days
I stumble round on through my memory's maze

happy birthday, J9. sorry it's a couple days late, but my new apartment has no internet and i have no car, so there really wasn't any way around that. i've been thinking about you an awful lot lately. the keys are so beautiful; i know you'd love it here. i can't say much now, because i know it'll just get me going, but i just wanted you to know that i miss you, and i love you, and that i'm thinking of you as always. i'm trying to find a way through all this mess, J, and it's scary as hell right now, but don't worry, i'm going to be just fine.

love you.

xoxo,
X.

happy birthday love, i miss you.

--
Live and let live
r.i.p. Jenine